"Massu and I are dating."

My eyes grew wide. I couldn't believe it.

I looked to Ryo who had lifted his bottled green tea high above his head. "Congratulations!" He announced grinning. Massu smiled brightly in response, his cheeks dusting with a rosy pink as everyone else joined in Ryo's cheers.

That is, everyone but me. I sat still and silent, making no move to lift my glass or show commendation.

I didn't understand, I couldn't understand.

Being known as the intelligent individual in the group this circumstance seemed out of place, even to me.

If Yamapi and Ryo had gotten together, I wouldn't be surprised in the least. Both boys have always hung over one another, it would be weird not to think of them as a couple. But Tegoshi and Masuda, they always seemed like brothers to me, never lovers.

I turned my attention to Tegoshi, my face desperate, hoping that something about him will reveal that this is all a joke, a game just meant to tease the members. But no, he sat comfortably at Massu's side, holding his hand in his lovingly with his usually angelic smile dawning his child-like face.

Koyama tipped his fold-out chair onto its hind two legs, his face covered with a wide grin. "Ne, ne, Have you guys...you know?" I watched in horror as Masuda's entire face turned beet red, and as Tegoshi released a fiendish giggle. Everyone in the room laughed giving another cheer and patting the two singers backs.

I quickly stood up, I couldn't take this anymore. I walked to the dressing room door, my shoes clicking softly against the tile floor on the way, when I heard Tegoshi curiously call my name. Not wanting to see his face again, I shot him a short wave over my shoulder before exiting the room, and building completely.

As I stood brooding in the autumn cold, I realized I had no where to go. Not wanting to deal with the embarrassment of walking back into JE after just leaving. I began to walk aimlessly about the streets. For many minutes I just walked, my mind seemingly bare and my thoughts dispersed.

Finally, Iefting my head for what seemed like the first time since I started walking, I took noticed my surroundings, I'd walked myself to Hibaya park.

I scoffed, shuffling the dirt under my shoes. How nostalgic.

This was the exact place. The place, I fell in love with Tegoshi Yuya.



~+~

My shoulders shook as tears fell silently from my eyes.

My wall...it had finally cracked. The grand façade I had created back when I had first joined Johnny‘s. My wall was suppose to protect me from the piling stress from both my job and college. It was suppose to protect the harsh comments and critiques I received on a daily basic.


'He can't even sing.'

'He's not any good looking.'

'Why doesn't JE just replace him?'

The tears continued to fall, indenting my light blue jeans with small dark circles.


But it didn't...

As I sat in my unstable state, passersby sent my looks of pity, but no one approached me, no one really cared.

Soon my eye's had finally dried, and no more tears could fall. But I felt no better, only hollow and void.

‘I can‘t do this anymore.’

But, as this new epiphany sunk in, I was suddenly pulled into a tight embrace. As I was stiffly held within this stranger's arms. My only thought I could process was…

'Why'?

Why would someone do this? Why would someone actually feel the need to stop in the mists of their daily lives, to comfort someone as pitiful as me?

But at that moment, it didn't matter. I embraced the stranger back, not caring about their identity. I gripped on to the back of their jacket, and dug my face deep into their shoulder as though I would die if I let go. But as I thought about this, I probably would.

The stranger seemed slightly taken aback by my eagerness, but swiftly relaxed, drawing gentle, comforting circles along my back and shoulders. The feather-like touches were hypnotizing, sending stirring sensations down my back and arms. I shivered and nuzzled further into the stranger's (now turned my stranger.) warm neck. I breathed in as well as I could through my congested nose, and caught my stranger's scent of oak and coffee. My face relaxed at the smell and I breathed in again, savoring it.

After what seemed like hours, (which it probably was considering I could feel the warm setting sun gleaming against my back.) my stranger pulled away. I slowly lifted my head to see the face of my comforter, maybe savior.

To my great surprise, Tegoshi Yuya sat quietly in front of me, the orange sun glistening on his face along with his ever present smile.

And in that one moment, that split second...

I fell it love.



~+~

I smiled forlornly.

What an ironic fate. To be broken by the exact same person that went out of their way just to put me back together.

My ironic, hopeless fate.